DEVILS: These blue monsters are our greatest enemy.
DEVILS: These blue monsters are our greatest enemy. John McCutcheon

Bluebottle plague: Time to build a wall, a giant seawall

OPINION:

YOU'VE got to feel for poor old sharks a bit don't you?

Not the hapless Cronulla-Sutherland ones who look set for extinction.

No.

The rough-bellied, sharp-toothed beasts that patrol our waters.

The poor buggers can't catch a break can they.

When they're not being fished and finned to the brink of extinction these salty souls are blasted from pillar to post when they bite someone.

The hapless sharks must be absolutely confused down there under the deep blue when they see their bluebottle mates steaming onto our shores, stinging nearly 3000 of us on the Coast in a week, and getting away with blue murder.

Can you imagine if sharks bit 3000 people in a week?

We'd be grabbing harpoons, shotguns, pool cues and anything else we can get a hold of, storming into the seas and carrying out a massive cull.

So when will we start whipping ourselves into a frenzy over the blubbery b******s ruining our beach days?

Will we see crowds storming the beaches, vinegar bottles in hand, declaring war on the nasty, easterly-driven droves of stinging suckers?

I'm not even sure what kills bluebottles.

Like sharks, nets won't work.

Which means the only safeguard I can think of is to channel our inner-Trump and build a wall. A sea wall.

We must keep those bluebottles out. They don't have visas, they don't assimilate, they arrive by water and threaten our way of life.

Tony Abbott, get the budgies on, this is war.