Hostage negotiating with a cute, more annoying version of me
I'M in all sorts.
After forging an identity essentially around taking the p--- out of people, karma has well and truly caught up with me.
I struggle with serious. I've got about as much emotional depth as a plank of wood.
My way of showing emotion, respect or general appreciation usually starts with me making a joke about someone or something.
And I get the feeling the universe hasn't given me a hall pass on this.
No. My little mate. My offsider. My nearly two-year-old daughter, is an absolute menace.
And I love it. Most of the time.
She's got so much attitude and takes absolutely none of my trolling attempts.
I try and get in her face and wind her up and she sends me packing with a big open palm and 'No, dadda'.
She just will not take a bar of it. It's like she's read my mind before I even try to pester her.
But when the tables turn, she is world class at getting in my grill.
I know these are the formative years and I should be focused on teaching her all the important things about human interaction, but some days I just want to sit back and applaud her.
The delivery, the nonchalance, the "I don't give a f---” stance, it's all absolutely nailed.
Sure it grates on you as you try valiantly for the 58th minute to negotiate a nappy change, but her dedication to breaking me deserves adulation.
I feel like I'm stuck in a hostage situation with a cuter, more annoying, more determined version of myself. Absolutely terrifying.