Hilarious reaction to MAFS casting call
The producers of MAFS are already on the hunt for a new line-up of contestants for next season, with the show's Facebook page posting a link to a sign-up form promising that "love could be just a few clicks away".
Considering this season's avalanche of bullying, tears, violence and infidelity, that's a suggestion so misleading that it practically warrants a report to the ACCC.
Facebook users agree, and they've wasted no time letting the show's creators know what they think of the eye-opening request.
"I'm sorry. I have a healthy self-esteem, not needy, not nuts, have original parts, nothing plastic and no serious emotional baggage," was one sarcastic comment.
"Great news for unemployed sociopaths!" chirped another.
One commenter listed what he felt were his winning attributes: "Single male. Likes: Being screamed at, being cheated on, walking on eggshells, narcissists. Dislikes: being respected, dealing with rational people."
Others wondered if the show might be wiser to call out for a new set of relationship experts before they fish for new contestants. "Are they taking applications for the experts because the ones they have are useless," one wrote.
And another offered their TV production expertise. "Can I get a job in the editing department? I have absolutely zero experience but neither do your current editing staff," they wrote in a reference to the show's long list of continuity catastrophes.
The application form for the next series, which will be the seventh since the show launched in Australia in 2015, reads like organisers are genuinely looking to sign people up who want to find love.
The form asks, "Are you single and ready to meet the love of your life? Are you willing to put your heart on the line for a chance at finding your soulmate? Are you prepared to put your fate in the hands of our relationship experts to help you find your perfect match?"
Considering only one couple from the first five seasons - Erin Bateman and Bryce Mohr from season two - are still together, you'd have a better chance at finding your soulmate if you closed your eyes and pointed to a random in the queue at Kmart.
"I think I could do a better job with a dart and a board," wrote one commenter.
Weirdly, other Married At First Sight franchises around the world seem to take their job as relationship brokers more seriously, with numerous parings leading to long-lasting love. The US even has a follow-up MAFS show called Married At First Sight: Happily Ever After devoted to couples who are still together.
In the US, one couple - Ashley and Anthony - have just had their first child, a girl called Mila. And another, Shawniece and Jephte, also have a baby daughter.
The only follow-up the Australian Married At First Sight producers could hope to air would be one that highlighted contestants who haven't been locked up for a violent or fraudulent criminal offence. We could call it Married At First Sight: Not In Jail Or Out On Bail.
But as much as we scoff at the show's general ghastliness and its ludicrous assertion that it has anything to do with love, we know that we're going to be right there on the couch, mindlessly shovelling popcorn into our mouths when it airs again next year.
"Unbelievable that they would do another season after the complete absurdity of this year!" cried one outraged commenter on the MAFS Facebook page before admitting that, sigh, like all of us, they're in it for the long haul.
"In saying that I'll probably watch," she conceded glumly. "How stupid of me."
Alex Carlton is a freelance writer. Continue the conversation @Alex_Carlton