Make Aussie Day BBQ male-friendly

AS MANY of us will be gathering around the barbecue with friends on Australia Day, I thought it was timely to remind all of the essential male barbecue rules.

These were set down many years ago by the Aussie Barbecue Cooks Association and are now considered sacred.

(1) The woman buys the food.

(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables and makes dessert.

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill, beer in hand.

(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory 3m exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman. (Here is the important part.)

(5) The man places the meat on the grill.

(6) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.

(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat.

(8) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.

(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces and brings them to the table.

(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. (And most important of all...)

(11) Everyone praises the man and thanks him for his cooking efforts.

(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off ' and upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women!

NOTE: No other male must approach the barbecue plate while the owner is cooking, they can look, admire, but not touch, prick or turn the meat.

Above all they must never say "I think it is cooked now", even if the meat is on fire and charcoal-black.

Thank you, ladies, for understanding that the barbecue is the one place where we really do believe we are in complete control. Yes I know this is once again a fallacy.