Meghan can’t even give birth the right way
IF EVER you needed proof Meghan, Duchess of Sussex can do no right, look no further than the birth of her first child earlier this week.
Ask some people and they'll tell you that the former Suits actor can't even have a baby the correct way.
As the days ticked past last week with no sign of the promised royal baby, tension started to mount.
Instead of thinking, "Oh she must be overdue like so many first-time mothers; I bet she's uncomfortable," royal pundits took umbrage and invented conspiracy theories.
Meghan and Prince Harry had already had their baby, they suggested. They were keeping it hidden, not telling us because they were MESSING WITH OUR MINDS, they speculated. They are selfish, she is a control freak, they are sticking their fingers up to royal protocol, it was claimed.
Or it could be - what it in fact was - she simply hadn't had her baby yet. Her baby, note. Not ours, we don't actually own it.
Meghan has been under fire at every stage of her pregnancy, so it's little wonder she and Harry chose to keep some of the details quiet.
First, she was "breaking royal tradition" by not choosing to give birth at the Lindo Wing of St Mary's Hospital, which isn't royal tradition at all, but was the hospital some mothers-to-be including Diana, Princess of Wales, and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge used during their labours. Many members of the Royal Family have given birth in other hospitals - Sophie, Countess of Wessex in Frimley Park Hospital, and Zara Tindall in Stroud Maternity Unit. Neither were accused of "breaking royal tradition." But that doesn't fit the narrative.
Meghan eventually gave birth at The Portland Hospital in London's West End, which is also where Sarah, Duchess of York delivered her daughters, Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie.
Although no details have been confirmed, it looks like she was trying for a home birth but ended up in a private hospital, which means the British press flip-flopped from thinking her a yoga-loving hippy to ultimate Hollywood diva.
Tuesday's newspapers breathlessly reported the hospital costs upwards of $28,000 and gives you Molton Brown toiletries and lobster. But on behalf of mothers everywhere, let me make it clear: Ryan Reynolds could spritz you with Molton Brown fragrance while feeding you lobster and it wouldn't make childbirth any more enjoyable an experience.
When Meghan finally conceded to have her baby, she had the cheek not to tell everybody exactly when, where and how. Admittedly, it was perplexing that Buckingham Palace issued a statement that she was in labour when she had already had the baby, but again, not all royal mothers give out detailed press releases. Perhaps people were expecting them to live tweet the birth and post the video on YouTube.
Piers Morgan - Meghan's biggest critic ever since she ghosted him - called it a "petulant act of defiance", writing, "part of the deal of being a prince is that you share your happy family stuff with the public. It's what you do in return for all the palaces, servants and endless luxuries that go with the title - much of which is paid for by the taxpayer."
The final "flout of tradition" came over the official announcement written on parchment and placed on an easel outside Buckingham Palace. It went up without listing her doctors, and some two hours after Meghan and Harry posted the news on Instagram. They were wrong for that, too, as really, who wouldn't wait for a calligrapher to creak through the corridors of Buckingham Palace with their quill?
Even the appearance of a euphoric-looking Harry describing the birth as, "the most amazing experience I could ever have possibly imagined," didn't stop allegations of him "manipulating the press."
Perhaps for the next one we should go back to the good old days where a crowd watches a royal birth, including the Home Secretary. Who knows, Piers Morgan might even get that invite he's always wanted.