Most annoying people in shopping centres
You wanted more whinging about Westfield? You got it!
Last week we ripped to shreds just a few of the annoying kinds of people you find at your local shopping centre. Specifically, we targeted idiots who forget how to walk properly. Whether it's people who don't stand to the left of the escalator or people who feel the need to FaceTime-and-walk, we let 'em have it.
Of course, Westfield is a jungle and there are many more species of annoying people. You readers put pen to paper about these clowns and I couldn't agree more. So here is another round of Your Letters, Reprinted Without Permission.
"The slow walkers kill me - or the ones that stop right at the bottom escalators to have a chat while you're supposed to somehow fly over them so you don't get your damn jeans caught in the damn escalator step and die horribly while they bloody discuss where to go for lunch," Micaela Talbot wrote.
Too bloody right, Micaela. These people are the worst. Where are our bodies supposed to go if we can't get off the damn thing?
There's a lot of bad behaviour happening on Westfield escalators. One time I saw an Eastern Suburbs mum - wearing one of those annoying kaftans - standing in the middle of the escalator and scrolling through her phone, not letting anyone around her. The escalator then sucked up her kaftan and tore it to shreds #Karma4Kaftans.
Speaking of escalators, I was on one at Westfield Bondi Junction last weekend heading up to Target and a random dad let one rip. All of us bozos behind him on the escalator then got slowly dragged through the fart.
Melissa Garcia offered a brilliant tactic to deal with losers who don't look up from their phones while walking.
"I purposely DON'T move out of the way of people coming towards me while texting. If we crash into each other it's not my fault," she wrote. Excellent tip. I'm more than happy to sustain injuries if it means moulding society to my personal expectations.
Troy Hughes can't stand people "using public spaces for a nap". Keen observation, Troy. Extremely accurate. There's a couch out the front of one of the bookshops at my local Westfield and weirdos are always napping on it.
And Jake Thompson really hit the nail on the head with his insight: "People who run into friends and block aisles to catch up sh*t me as well. Go lounge around the fruit and veg department."
This was a personal favourite because he slagged off annoying people but also fruit and veg.
THE ROYAL SERVICE WE ALL NEED
Would you rather have your nudes leaked but they don't show your face? Or would you rather have all of your friends post unflattering portraits of you to social media every time you go out?
It's a no-brainer. Release the nudes!
The season of corporate Christmas parties is here. Bosses across the country are being drunkenly insulted by rogue employees. And co-workers are secretly hooking-up while the annoying office scandalmonger (me) goes and tells everyone the next day through an all-staff email.
But more importantly, unflattering photos are being posted to social media without your personal authorisation. Studies show this time of year sees a spike in people being tagged in photos where they look indisputably ugly. I lie, there have been no studies but trust me, this is happening.
Nothing's worse than waking up with a hangover, only to find stacks of social media notifications piling up on your iPhone screen, alerting you to the fact you've been tagged in a photo. You rack your brain. Did someone capture on film the moment you staggered out into the pub carpark and twerked on the hood of your boss' VW Golf?
Or, just as terrible, have you been tagged in a series of group photos where you thought you looked really attractive but you actually look hideous?
The latter is particularly offensive. At least with the VW incident, I had no one to blame but myself. I think I even yelled "I regret nothing!" as I was crash-tackled from the bonnet. But the ugly group photos hurt more because someone has actively posted it knowing full well you didn't realise how disgusting you looked.
But Meghan Markle has come up with a solution. Apparently she has a whole department at the palace dedicated to contacting her mates and telling them to remove her pics from their Instas.
The Sun reports Buckingham Palace got in touch with one of Meghan's jewellery designer pals after she started posting pics of the duchess wearing her accessories.
"(The friend) has been told to remove the images and in no uncertain terms how damaging this could be for Meghan and the royal family," a royal source told The Mirror.
On one hand, what's the point of being mates with a princess if you can't use her to spruik your business? But on the other, we totally get it because no one wants random pics of themselves posted without their permission. This royal service should be extended to the public.
Even if I don't look ugly in the photo, a lot of the time I lie about my weekend plans and general whereabouts to get out of doing things with other people. One unauthorised post and all of a sudden I'm busted! Tangled in a web of lies. All because some idiot posted an unflattering photo of me twerking on my CEO's VW Golf.