THINGS have been pretty grim this week and there's no sign of any relief from the spectre of coronavirus, with Gympie's second biggest school notifying all parents this morning that if one of its students does test positive it will likely close the school for a period of time while Qld Health assesses the situation and carries out contact tracing.

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Letter to parents of Gympie High
Letter to parents of Gympie High

 

BREAKING: Hard to figure out this car flipped on Channon St this morning, but it did

 

DON'T WORRY BE HAPPY: These adorable local Preppies will make you smile

Prep promo photo
Prep promo photo

 

Gympie Prep's preview: A quick preview of what to expect when The Gympie Times releases the 2020 Prep Feature booklet on March 25.
Gympie Prep's preview: A quick preview of what to expect when The Gympie Times releases the 2020 Prep Feature booklet on March 25.

 

There have so far been no confirmed cases of COVID-19 in Gympie itself, though a Maleny mum who tested positive to the virus had her test done in Gympie, where a fever clinic has been set up at the public hospital.

 

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To alleviate your worries, I wanted to share with you today this gem from one of my all time favourite comediens, Jennifer Saunders.

It's a bottler.

LONDON, ENGLAND - FEBRUARY 23: Jennifer Saunders attends the
LONDON, ENGLAND - FEBRUARY 23: Jennifer Saunders attends the "Onward" UK Premiere at The Curzon Mayfair on February 23, 2020 in London, England. (Photo by Tim P. Whitby/Getty Images)

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent virus threat and have therefore raised their threat level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, level may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."

 

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The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.

The virus has been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

 

WATER WATER EVERYWHERE: Mary Street mud bath this week

 

Burst pipe in upper Mary St causes havoc
Burst pipe in upper Mary St causes havoc

 

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The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's Get the Bastard." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

 

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Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

FLASHBACK TO SATURDAY, MARCH 14, 1970: Winner of the novice seacion of the Commercial Bank of Auastralia's Rural Youth public speaking competition held at the Red Hill Methodist Hall was Trevor Zerner (standing, second from rightA), of Pie Creek club, who will take part in the area finals at Hervey Bay this weekend. Also shows are (l to r) standing, Ted Portas (Gympie-March Valley), David Anderso
FLASHBACK TO SATURDAY, MARCH 14, 1970: Winner of the novice seacion of the Commercial Bank of Auastralia's Rural Youth public speaking competition held at the Red Hill Methodist Hall was Trevor Zerner (standing, second from rightA), of Pie Creek club, who will take part in the area finals at Hervey Bay this weekend. Also shows are (l to r) standing, Ted Portas (Gympie-March Valley), David Anderso

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

NEW ARRIVAL THIS WEEK AT THE GYMPIE HOSPITAL: Imogen Margaret McLean, daugher of Steve McLean and Stacey Smith. Born on 10th March 2020 at 4:28am weighing 3.6kg. Imogen is the baby sister to Ariana and Oliver.
NEW ARRIVAL THIS WEEK AT THE GYMPIE HOSPITAL: Imogen Margaret McLean, daugher of Steve McLean and Stacey Smith. Born on 10th March 2020 at 4:28am weighing 3.6kg. Imogen is the baby sister to Ariana and Oliver.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its alert level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level in Australia.
So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level in Australia.

The Russians have said "Its not us"