ID thieves never take the things we'd love to be rid of.
ID thieves never take the things we'd love to be rid of. BrianAJackson

Why can't identity thieves steal the things I don't want?

IT SEEMS the identity thieves are at it again.

Gympie's Chris Kirby is the latest victim, thanks to his details apparently being erroneously sent to people who weren't him.

An oops if ever there was one.

And sadly it's becoming more common in a world where we happily give over our DOB, social security number and rights to our first-born just for a look at how we'll be when we're old.

Quite frankly, I can wait.

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But why can't ID thieves ever steal the things we want them to?

Like my hair. Time has already flogged a lot of it, so why can't someone take the rest and leave me some nice Robert Downey Jr-like locks to luxuriate in?

Heck, I'd settle for British PM Boris Johnson's scarecrow-esque strands if only to have something that spends more time on my head than the floor.

epa05424873 A handout picture provided by the Foreign and Commonwealth Office on 14 July 2016 shows Boris Johnson, Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs addressing his staff on the first day at the Foreign and Commonwealth Office in London, Britain, 14 July 2016. New British Prime Minister Theresa May announced that Johnson would take up the role of Foreign Secretary as of 13 July.  EPA/PATRICK TSUI / FCO / HANDOUT  HANDOUT
British PM Boris Johnson. PATRICK TSUI / FCO / HANDOUT

Or my near-sightedness. Just once it'd be nice to wake up, know the black spot on the ceiling is a dirt mark and go back to sleep.

Instead I stand on the bed and discover that's not what it is, only after my nose is two inches from its hairy eight- legged glory. And from there, there can be no further sleep.

Then there's the mortgage and the ache in my thumb that is or isn't early onset arthritis and the family history of gout and IBS ...

Actually, now that I think about it, anybody who wants to be me - good luck!