‘Why you need an orgasm routine’
IN my early twenties, I had no idea there were different types of orgasm. I had only ever experienced what some people call a 'superficial clitoral orgasm', so I presumed that was the only one… Boy, was I wrong (and seriously missing out).
Just the other day my friend told me about a seriously orgasmic girlfriend he once had who could orgasm almost instantly when her lover simply sucked her finger … huh? Come again?! Yep, sister, the possibilities are infinite!
Sexpert Kim Anami says, "If your sex life isn't rejuvenating, energising, immensely pleasurable and life-changing, you're doing it wrong."
And I agree! Here are some tips to help you become more orgasmic …
I'm a massive fan of morning routines, so why not add an orgasm to yours?
When you start your day with an orgasm, everything is better and life becomes juicier. It's a great workout as it pumps energy through your whole body. It also ignites your creative fire. Sexual energy is creative energy. And when you're tapping into it and using it consciously, you'll see how you approach everything in your life with more creativity, from your work to your relationships, parenting and everything in between.
Partner or no partner, try it for a week and see how you feel. Don't have time? Get up ten minutes (or however long you want to give yourself) earlier and make you a priority. And if the kids are all over the house from the crack of dawn, maybe set them up at the breakfast table and then head back to bed while they are busy eating.
I've found that if I leave it until night time I'm more likely to end up too tired and won't be bothered. That's why I love kicking off my day with a morning orgasm.
An orgasm a day
My husband and I have a saying: an orgasm a day keeps the divorce lawyer away.
When you're connected to your sexuality, you show up to the world feeling strong, confident and empowered, which will affect every single area of your life.
Partner or no partner, try an orgasm (or two or three …) a day to keep the doctor, lawyer - heck, even your Mean Girl - away! But don't put pressure on yourself to orgasm. Just the simple act of uniting with your lover or yourself on a daily basis can seriously alter your state. Let the good times roll, baby!
The more, the merrier
Most women stop after one orgasm, not realising that women are naturally voracious and multi-orgasmic beings.
The most orgasms I have had in one lovemaking session was thirteen. No joke! It was mind-blowing, and it's totally possible for you too. So don't stop after one, keep going, sister! Your orgasmic potential is infinite, and if I can go from one (or none) to thirteen, so can you.
Make time - and space - for orgasms
There's no doubting the positive healing impact of orgasms. (Not to mention the pure deliciousness of them for your mind, body and soul!)
Yet still, so many of us resist engaging in sex, often in the times when an orgasm would help us most. Like when you have a screaming headache - the last thing you feel like doing is dropping your pants and getting down to business, right?
Yet it can actually help relieve your symptoms. (It's true, science has proven it!) And I know that for myself: every time I've pushed through that little bit of resistance and made love, almost immediately my headache has subsided.
I believe that regular orgasms were also part of the reason I didn't fall into a deep, dark depression after my best friend Jess passed away. I was devastated (of course), and felt grief and pain like I had never experienced before, but the regular orgasms helped lift my state. That said, I sometimes had to push through the internal resistance, and consciously choose to relax, Open Wide and immerse in the present moment. But I always felt better with those feel-good hormones dancing through my cells after an orgasm.
Of course, there are also times when I feel 'waayyy too busy and stressed' to make love, right?! After all, I run my own business, and I'm a wife, stepmama, friend, daughter and more … so isn't my Mean Girl a little justified when she protests that I couldn't possibly orgasm when I've got so much going on?!
Sometimes, she may be right - you do, after all, have to follow your Truth. But more often, those are the times when I could really use the delicious power of orgasmic energy the most - especially to decrease cortisol, the stress hormone, and alleviate some of the stress and overload I feel in my body. And I promise you that without fail, every time I do create the time and space, I always find myself wondering why the heck I didn't do it earlier!
When an orgasm might not be right
It's also worth noting that there may be seasons of your life when sex and orgasms truly don't feel like your Truth - for example, in the months after having a baby, after trauma, the loss of someone close to you, or perhaps after a breakup.
In those times, I can't emphasise enough that you need to cut yourself some slack, calm your Mean Girl down, and lean in to whatever feels true to you. Judging yourself is not going to help. Just concentrate on tuning into your body's wisdom, and lavishing yourself with as much softness, self-love and understanding as possible. And as always, please seek expert support if you feel called.
This is an edited extract from Open Wide (HarperCollins, $29.99) by Melissa Ambrosini, on sale now.
This article originally appeared on Whimn and has been republished here with permission.